a random love story
by brandy mallory
Summary: When Raine and Kratos get kidnapped by a random bad guy, it's up to Yuan and Sheena to save the day. Or at least,they'll try to. chapter 11: the bad guy is here![rainexsheena and kratosxyuan][mild langauge][homosexual themes]
1. in which something happens

((A/N: oh gawd, can't belive i'm staring another one. i barely keep up with the others. see i was bored in class and i just HAD to write something. and something turned into a fanfic! this part's pretty boreing, but thats because its the begining, and i'm talentless.

oh yeah, i do not own tales of symphonia. and here's ur reading presesnt: (hands outcrayons).))

* * *

"This is absolutely pointless." Sheena moaned, looking at herself in the full length mirror that had been placed in front of her. "I can't do this. Yuan why am I doing this?"

Yuan looked up from his desk were he was apparently searching for something important, "Cause you love her? That and you're a tad insane."

Sheena threw one of her expensive heels at him, still managing to look amazingly hot in her wedding dress, which was white, but far from traditional. "I am not insane!"

Yuan caught the shoe with ease, tossing it back, "I'm not the one throwing shoes," and continued to rummage through his desk, "Damn, where the hell did I leave that wedding present? I know I put it in here somewhere."

Sheena walked up to the desk, pointing at a package that sat half covered under a stack of files. It was wrapped in boring blue paper and topped with a card that read "To Raine and Sheena. Congratulations on your getting hitched."

Yuan picked it up quickly, "As I was saying," He placed one hand on Sheena's shoulder, "It will be perfectly fine. You'll marry, drink a lot, and run off to your honeymoon leaving me and Kratos to clean up the mess."

She sighed, "You say that now, may I remind you how your and Kratos's **perfect** wedding ended up? May I remind you of the fire in the church? The rip in your suit from that killer cat that attacked you on the way to the ceremony? The mix up in the ice sculptures? The two hundred extra guests at the reception? The bartender? Lloyd and Zelos in the coat closet? Colette and the dozens of fangirls after they found Lloyd and Zelos in the coat closet?"

Yuan smiled, "That's not going to happen Sheena," He turned around to get her flowers, "That kind of disaster only happens once in four thousand years."

"I'm doomed! The weddings doomed! We are all so totally doomed!" Sheena started sobbing.

He patted her on the back and shoved the flowers into her hand, "I felt the exact same way. But look at me now, happily married to a hot angelic swordsman, who happens to be very good in be-"

Sheena smacked Yuan with her flowers, "Shut up, your not helping"

"Ouch, bitchy bride alert…"

* * *

meanwhile... 

"I can't do it Kratos! I have cold feet! Forty two percent of women who get cold feet end up having a horrible wedding! I don't want a horrible wedding!"

Kratos frowned as Raine grabbed him by the collar and shook him, "Everything must be perfect for this to work! Everything!"

He worked his way out of her grip, "Raine, it's a tiny, almost nonexistent stain."

"Almost nonexistent. It still exists Kratos!" She sat down on a stool, her white suit hanging loosely off her curves, "That's it, I call off the whole thing!"

"No you don't," Kratos replied, trying to fix his hair, "I tried to call off mine a totally of six times. But I didn't. And I'm happy I didn't. You'll see afterwards."

"Kratos, you can honestly say you're happy you had a ten foot ice sculpture of acarrot at your wedding? That the bartender got so wasted he ended up serving Genis vodka instead of soda? That Yuan had to be rushed to the doctor because it turned out the killer cat that attacked him had rabies?"

Kratos straighted his shirt, "Well, yes."

Raine shook her head, her normal calm aditude returning, "I'll never understand men."

"So you're in love with a women? That has got to be much worse."

"Shut it Kratos." Raine slapped him across the head, "I don't see you having much luck with the ladies!"

"I'm married!"

"I don't care!"

There was a sudden smashing sound as someone, well smashed, the door in. Raine and Kratos coughed as smoke filled the room.

"Mwahahahahaha!"

The two passed out and fell to the floor in a heap, while a mysterious person quickly tied them up.

* * *

((and thats the begining, yay, the kidnapped lover thing is a bit over done, but i plan to, twist, it a lot. please review!)) 


	2. stepfatherhood sucks

((A/N: 2 reviews is wonderful for me! i feel happy! oh so happy. anyway, i actaully updated somthing! you are so amazed! i can see it in your eyes!

warning: contains some naisty swearing.

enjoy!))

* * *

Sheena waited patiently at the end of the aisle. Or not so patiently…

"Where is she? Where is my bride Yuan?" She yelled, shaking the living daylights out of the aqua haired angel.

"Like I know!" Yuan screamed back, "Kratos isn't here either so they're probably still changing!"

"It does not take some one three bloody hours to get dressed!"

"Have you met my husband? It takes that man two hours just to get his hair right." Yuan replied, "Maybe we should go check on them."

Of course, Sheena was already out of the door, headed in the direction of the dressing rooms.

Lloyd looked at Yuan from the front row of the church, which wasn't really a church, more of the biggest hall the Renegade base had, "Aren't you going to go after her? Make sure she doesn't murder dad for holding up the ceremony?"

"I'm not suicidal Lloyd," Yuan said, readjusting his cape.

"You married my father, who killed the last person he was married to. That's suicidal Yuan."

Yuan smacked Lloyd, who flinched, "Hey, you can't do that!"

Yuan walked by him after Sheena, "I'm your step-father. I can do what ever I want to you."

Presea looked at Yuan in disgust.

"NOT THAT WAY PEOPLE!" Yuan screamed as he walked into the hallway.

He quickly caught up to Sheena, who jumped him as he entered the room.

"Your man whore of a husband took off with my bride!" She yelled, throwing punches.

Yuan took a quick glance around the room to see no one was there, "Kratos would never steal your whore! She probably stole HIM!" He pushed her.

Sheena knocked Yuan to the ground and sat on top of him. Not in the kinky fun way, in the I'm-going-to-kill-you-and-your-little-dog-too way.

"You bastard!"

"Bitch!"

"Son of a-"

Lloyd walked in, "Uh, guys?"

"Waste of skin!"

"Nose picker!"

"Guys?"

"Tomato bonker!"

"Slut!"

"GUYS?"

Sheena looked up from the floor where her and Yuan where pulling on each others hair, "Lloyd, can't you see I'm trying to beat your step-father into a bloody pulp?"

Lloyd sighed, "I have no problem with that-"

"Hey!" That'd be the very hurt feeling Yuan.

"But there's a note." He finished, pointing to the table.

Sheena jumped up and grabbed the note and read aloud.

"_Dearest Yuan and Sheena,_

_I have kidnapped your true loves and am now holding in the highest tower of my extremely hard to get to, underground lair. Guarded by, I don't know, dragons or something._

_If you want them back, well HA, you can't have them! They are all mine! MINE! Mwahahahahaha_- (oh I can't believe that, he wrote in the evil laughter) _and that is the end of my evil note._

_Signed,_

_The evil guy who stole your true loves._

_P.S. Yuan screams like a little girl and Sheena has bad breath."_

Sheena slammed the note down, "How dare he kidnap my Thunder Cloud and insult my personal hygiene!"

Lloyd looked at her with interest, "Thunder Cloud?"

"It's my sex name for, hey! Don't change the subject! We have to go find my bride!"

"And my husband!" Yuan spoke up.

Lloyd shook his head, "I'm not coming with you. You to can go get yourselves killed on your own."

Sheena consulted the note again, "_P.S.S: I have also kidnapped Zelos. I like his hair. It's shiny."_

"NOOO!" Lloyd screamed, "Not Zelos!"

"So you'll come with?"

Zelos walked in, "Hey guys, what's the hold up? When do the hot chicks get married?"

Lloyd dived at Sheena, "Liar! How dare you use my personal feelings against me!"

Sheena and Yuan ignored him.

"The wedding is postponed until both brides are here!" Sheena told Zelos, "You go stall while me and Yuan find Kratos and Raine."

Zelos smiled and walked out the door, "Can do."

"Now," She turned to the angel, "Lets get our true loves back from the evil kidnapping guy!"

Yuan sighed and followed her out of the base, "This seems so cliché."

* * *

((and yeah, didn't feel like writing anymore than that. pleasse review!

oh and ur reading present: hands out cheesepuffs.))


	3. remember the olives

((A/N: thank you all for the reviews! somehow I mangaed to write another chapter this morning! i'm really sleepy now, so read on.

i do not own TOS. admitting it is the first step of my twelve step program.))

* * *

Sheena, still in her wedding dress, walked out into the hot desert and looked around, as if she was expecting a huge sign that read 'Find you true love that way' to appear before her eyes.

Yuan on the other hand, was being smart and studying the note.

"This paper smells funny." He proclaimed, sniffing the paper.

She rolled her eyes, "I think you smell funny, but to I tell everyone?"

He glared at her, "As in it smells like ocean water. Like the person who owned this paper lived very close to the ocean!"

The black haired girl gave him a blank look, "Your point Oh Masterful Blue One?"

He folded the note and shoved it into his pocket, "Our kidnapper probably lives in Palmacoasta."

"You figured that out from the way the paper smelled?"

"Yeah, that and the postmarks say Palmacoasta Post Office number 3636."

Sheena pointed in the general direction of the city, shouted, "To Palmacoasta!" and started walking, expensive heels and all, through the desert.

The half elf sighed, "Why don't we just take the rheiards?"

Sheena spun around and glared at him, "Shut up Yu Yu," Yuan gasped at the use of Kratos's pet name for him, "And start walking before I run back inside and tell everyone you once dressed up as a maid and greeted Kratos at the door wearing nothing but the hat and apron."

"How do you? Who told? You wouldn't dare!" He cried, as he ran after her, "Would you?"

Several hours later…

They finally arrived in Izoold where they were informed they couldn't go to Palmacoasta until the next morning.

"Well this is dumb," Sheena complained as they checked into the Inn, "What kind of harbor is this? Doesn't sail at night. Who cares if the monsters attack more at night? Not me, I can fend for myself."

Yuan patted her shoulder, "There, there dear, a few hours of sleep won't kill you." He threw his stuff beside the bed and fell face first onto it, "But if you don't shut up I might have too."

The human continued to grumble, "Ten hours is not time to wasting. The kidnapper could be torturing her! Or be making her cook! Or listen to that horrible country music CD Regal gave us for Martel Day!"

He was sighing, knowing he'd be doing a lot of sighing on this quest thing, when he heard a pinning come from his wristwatch thinger.

"Oh look! Magi-mail from Lloyd!"

"Magi-mail?" Sheena asked, looking confused.

"Magitechonology mail? Gee, get with the times Sheena." Yuan opened the mail and read out loud.

"_Hey Sheena and dad_,"

Sheena jumped on his bed to sit beside him, "Awww, he called you dad, how cute."

Yuan pushed her.

"_Just writing to report on things here. Everything's basically ok, I guess. We've opened up the cash bar to distract from the fact nobodies gotten married yet, so most everyone is to drunk to care about your absence. _

_We're running out of olives though, so could you please pick some up on your way back. _

_I noticed you guys didn't take the rheiards, to which I write, ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING? Don't answer that, I already know. _

_Yuck, Colette just threw up on the cake; I got to go clean that up._

_Remember the olives. _

_Lloyd_."

Yuan closed the letter and opened up a to do list, adding three items.

Sheena read the list once he'd finished, "_To Do. One. Get goldfish food_. You have goldfish?"

Yuan blushed, "No, I have a bunny rabbit who eats fish food."

"Seriously?"

"Sadly."

She continued reading, "_Two. Pick up cape from the drycleaners. Three. Buy Sheena and Raine's wedding gift. Four. Pick up Kratos's dry-cleaning. Five. Get the honey stain out of the bed sheets_," Yuan blushed as she gave him a strange look, "I won't ask. _Six. Save true love from evil kidnapping guy. Seven. Get Sheena new wedding cake. Eight. Get olives_."

Yuan closed the screen and laid back onto the pillow, "I'm going to sleep."

"Me too." She replied, cuddling up beside him.

The aqua haired angel looked at her in confusion, "What do you think you're doing?"

Sheena pulled the sheets around her, "We only had cash for one bed. I don't like you or anything."

Yuan sighed, again, "Whatever, just don't hog the blankets."

"I will."

* * *

((boring ending, i know. anyway, please review. oh and reading presents! hands out some form of candy.)) 


	4. mail strippers

((A/N: yay, next chapter time! 1 review huh? well, good enough 4 me. this chapter's pretty short, but it got kratos and raine, and i make a specail guest email appearence. i plan to have them recieve alot of email, so if anyone wants to write them an email i'll "send" it to them.

i do not own tales of symphonia, orKahlua. just to clear things up. enjoy!))

* * *

"Wake up!"

Yuan rolled over into his pillow, pulling it closer like a teddy bear, "But Kratos, I don't want to!"

Sheena smacked Yuan with a fish she'd purchased at the market, getting fish guts all over the bedspread.

Yuan bounced out of bed, fully dressed.

So our two heroes quickly made there way to the dock and got on Max's boat. Convincing Max to take them wasn't hard.

"Take us to Palmacoasta!" That would be Yuan.

"Hell no! I already got tricked into that once! And isn't Palmacoasta in ruin?"

"Shut up! In this fic it's not!" Sheena.

"Fic? What the hell is a fic?" Max.

Yuan sighed, "Never mind, if we tell you all your thoughts on your life's purpose will be destroyed! Do you want your life destroyed?"

"No…"

"Then let us on the damn boat!"

And with that they were off to Palmacoasta, the city that had **not** been destroyed by the Giant Psycho Tree.

Sitting on the deck Yuan heard a familiar ping, "Yay! Mail!"

Sheena rolled her eyes.

"_Dear Sheena and Yuan,_

_Please do not go blabbering about the world of fan fiction to random side characters. It really throws off any seriousness in your quest and confuses anyone who would be reading this. Not that anyone does because your quest to find Kratos and Raine is **not **some crazy plotline made up by a seventeen year old fan girl as an excuse to make another fanfic involving Yuan and Kratos. It's **not** like it's being written out so other people can read it using the Internet or anything. Your actions are **not** just figments of my imagination. So yeah. I hope you save your true loves from certain peril, not that I know what's going to happen or anything._

_Yours truly, _

_Brandy Mallory._"

Sheena frowned, "That was weird."

Yuan nodded in agreement, "Lets never speak of it again."

Max pulled the boat into the Palmacoasta docks, "Everyone out. I need to go home. Linda might confess her love for me tonight."

Yuan snorted, "Yeah. Good luck with that."

Strolling through the streets Sheena spotted the post office and pulled Yuan inside, where they were faced with an impossibly long line.

"This sucks. It's a longer wait than when me and Kratos went to see those male strippers at Altamira." Yuan pouted.

"Male strippers?"

"Yeah, big rip off. Just turned out to be a bunch of old men tearing up junk mail for three hours."

Sheena looked at the clock, which didn't seem to be moving, "This will take forever."

She stuck two fingers in her mouth and blew.

The whole post office turned to look at them.

"Hi," Sheena said waving, "I'm Sheena, and I helped to save all your ass's. So let me to the front of the line or I'll summon Maxwell."

The line quickly split, and Sheena walked up to the clerk holding up the letter.

"Can you tell me where this letter came from?" She demanded.

The clerk, shaking in fear, took the letter and looked at it, "Ummm, this letter came from our other Palmacoasta branch."

"What?" Yuan asked, pushing up beside Sheena, "This is the only Palmacoasta!"

"Well ummm, we wanted to expand. So the company bought out a few offices in other parts of the world. This ones from the one in Katz Village." He handed the letter back then ducked under the desk in fear that Sheena or Yuan might murder him.

They went to the nearest bar to regroup. Yuan ordered a Beachcomber (Sprite, orange juice, cranberry juice and vodka) and Sheena had a Paralyzer (Kahlua, vodka, Pepsi, milk and ice).

"Well this sucks," Yuan pouted.

"Yeah."

* * *

Elsewhere in the highest tower of a secret, hard to get to, underground lair.

"What about Grave?" Raine asked the auburn.

Kratos concentrated for a second, then twirled around, "Grave!"

His attack was deflected by the door, the rock spike exploding into pieces.

"Guess not."

"Hmmmmm…" Kratos frowned, "That mysterious evil guy sure knows his stuff."

Raine put her hands on her hips, "What makes you sure it's not a woman?"

"Oh come on. No woman could possibly be smart enough to magic block the door." Kratos sat down on the floor, looking around the tiny room he and Raine had woken up in, "Plus bad guy's are always male. It's a fact."

Raine threw a shoe at him.

"What? It is!"

* * *

((wow, talk about a dead end for our hero's. will they find a way to Katz Village? Will Linda cofess her love to Max? Will Kratos get more shoes thrown at him? Will the maid get the fish off of the bedspread? is the mystery evil guy male or female?

truthfully i really don't know. but please review. thanks for reading!))


	5. broom closet

((A/N: hi eveyone. thanks for reading so far. ummm, yeah, new chapter! so yeah. here it is.

i don't own Tales of Smyphonia or anything Meowzy says.

don't drink and fly!))

* * *

It was dawn by the time Yuan and Sheena stumbled out of the bar.

"Sheena? Bobeena. Doleena. SoPeena. Greena. Sheena?" Yuan giggled, "How ever are we going to get to Katz Village without Rhieards?"

Sheena giggled, "You could fly us there," She wrapped her arms around his neck, "With your big girly girl wings."

He put his hands on his hips, "They are not girly! They elude manly manness."

"They are lavender." Sheena pointed out, "Lavender fairy wings are not manly," She shook her head in a very childish manner, "Not manly at all."

"Well that's it!" Yuan said, sweeping her into his arms, "I'll show you what my Lavender fairy wings can do!"

She shrieked with happiness, "Yuan, Yuan! I want to fly real high ok?"

He smiled, unfolding his wings and jumping off the dock.

Right into the water. Turns out drinking and flying are not a good mix.

* * *

They both woke up several hours later in comfortable beds in a small nicely decorated room.

"Oww, my head." Yuan said, sitting up and looking at Sheena, "How much did I drink last night?"

Sheena climbed out of bed, surprised to find herself wrapped in a white nightgown, "Like, a lot." She twirled around, "Where are we?"

Yuan climbed out of bed to find himself in a pair of pajamas that matched Sheena's, "I don't know. An insane asylum?"

He heard a ping, which for once, didn't come from his wrist but instead from on the table in the corner. He rushed over to see his wristwatch sitting beside a note.

"_Dear Peoples_," He read the note out loud to Sheena, "_I hope you've woken up ok. We found you half drowned in the ocean this morning. It's so cute to see a lovely couple like your selves on our cruse ship. Please come see me on the main deck. _

_Captain Alfred_

_P.S. we put your clothes in the wash, they were gross_."

Yuan gasped, "No! My cape is dry clean only!"

Sheena smacked him, "Shut up and lets go see Alfred. I want to know where this ship's headed." She stormed out of the room and into the hallway, Yuan following on her heals.

"Hey? Wasn't Alfred a pirate or something? I think I remember seeing him once when I was in Luin." Yuan waved to a couple of old ladies who recognized him in the hall.

"Oh my Goddess! Look it's Yuan!" Screamed old lady number one.

"I love you Yuan! Will you marry me?" Screamed old lady number two, holding up a sign that read: Yuan rocks my boat, in bright aqua lettering.

Yuan waved them away, "Sorry ladies, I'm taken!" he blew two quick kisses in their direction and they both fainted.

Sheena rolled her eyes, "I think he was a pirate, I seem to remember your stepson in a chest revealing vest with an eye patch. Still gives me nightmares." She shivered.

Alfred came off of the deck or whatever to meet them.

"Oh I see our sea drenched couple is finally awake. Oh young love. Two youngsters falling into the ocean, gripping onto each other for dear life. Luckily to be saved by myself and my trusty crew."

"Young love? Yuan's like, four thousand and forty two!" Sheena said outraged, "Plus I would never be caught dead romancing this idiot!"

Yuan pouted, "I'm four thousand and thirty six for your information Sheena. And," He held up his left hand for Alfred to see, "I happen to be married. And not to this lunatic! And I demand you give me my cape back!"

"Umm, Yuan?"

"Yes Sheena? I'm trying to prove a point."

"Your ring."

"What about it?"

"It's not there."

Yuan looked down at his left hand, noticing that his finger bore only a ring tan, but no ring.

"No! My ring! My ring! Kratos is going to kill me! Skin me alive! I'm doomed! Doomed I tell you! Doomed!" He fell to the ground sobbing like a baby, "I want my ring and my cape back. I want my Kratos back."

Sheena patted his back, "There, there Yuan. We'll find your ring."

He sniffed, "We will?"

"Of course we will. And your cape."

"I really miss my cape…" He said, as Sheena pulled him back up.

"And as soon as we find a way to Katz Village we will find Kratos and you guys can eat chocolate fondue off each other forever and ever."

"I can't eat chocolate."

"Really?"

"Sensitive teeth."

"Cheese?"

"Yuck."

"How about caramel?"

"Sounds good."

"Then you guys can eat caramel fondue off each other forever and ever."

Alfred looked back and forth from Yuan to Sheena, and then back to Yuan, then Sheena, then- oh you get the point.

"You two are in luck!" He said happily.

"Really? My cape hasn't been destroyed yet?"

He shook his head, "No we put it in the wash a couple of hours ago. The maids are trying to fix the damage."

Yuan's smile slid away.

"But, we just happen to be headed to Katz Village ourselves!"

Sheena jumped up and down, "Really? And you'll take us the whole way?"

"It'll cost you 2,000 Gald."

"Damn it!" Sheena cried, stomping her foot on the ground, "We don't have that kind of cash!"

Yuan calmed her down, "It's ok. I'll send Lloyd an magi-mail and get him to send us the money."

Sheena paused, "Hey, didn't you get a magi-mail earlier in the chap- I mean, day?"

Thinking back, "Oh yeah! I did!"

Alfred was tired of being left out of the conversation, "Why don't you two go back to your room while I go see if they've fixed the blue guys cape? Guards!"

A pair of overly muscular guards "escorted" Sheena and Yuan back to their room, throwing them inside.

"Well that was rather rude of them." Yuan said, dusting himself off. He tossed Sheena his wristwatch thinger, "Here. You read it. I'm to depressed."

He fell onto his bed as Sheena read the magi-mail to him.

"_Dear Yuan, _

_What did you do to my collection of tapes! When I came home a few days ago, they were gone! It's obvious you took them. And you have no idea how long it took me to find your E-mail address... _

_I know you said that if I put up a camera in your bathroom, you would kill me, but you said nothing about a camera in the broom closet! I did nothing wrong! I demand that you return those videotapes, now! Or at least replace them with something else. The KratosxYuan fan club is coming over tonight, and if I have nothing to show them, I'm in a lot of trouble. _

_Return those tapes! _

_Yours truly, __  
__Meowzy._"

Yuan hopped out of bed in a wild panic, "Damn! She found me out!"

Sheena gave him a what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about look.

"I mean, must have got the wrong address." Yuan secretly reminded himself to burn those tapes as soon as he got home, seeing as last week him and Kratos had had a lot of "fun"in the said broom closet.

He grabbed the watch back from Sheena and sent Lloyd a plea for money. Then decided to be on the safe side and sent Meowzy several pictures of him and Kratos on their wedding day. Including the one of him lying in the hospital bed while Kratos feed him chicken noodle soup, and the one where Kratos and Yuan were taking turns smashing the ice sculpture with Kratos's sword.

* * *

Meanwhile…

"I will not eat this." Kratos mumbled, poking the grey mush that had been served to them through the cat flap, "It's probably not even edible!"

Raine wolfed hers down, "Oh my Goddess. It's delish! Kratos, you have to try some of this bread that looks like mud!"

"Well, I guess compared to what you cook…" He took a tiny bite, "Eww. This stuff is worse than that Dwarven Pot Luck Surprise we had a Dirks!"

"Why what was in it?"

"Yuan's cape. It's dry-clean only, so he rarely washes the thing." Kratos thought back to that day. Yuan never took his cape off when visiting Dirk ever again.

* * *

((Thanks for reading! please review! it makes me smile! and PRESENTS. -hands out fondue sets-)) 


	6. anne blues

((A/N: thanks to all who reviewed. my hands have really been hurting lately so this is a very short, not really important chapter. anyway.

today we have a happy guest email! yay! and ummm, what else? oh we learn something secret about Kratos's hair! and Yuan's allergies. right then, thats all i got. sorry for the shortness. i've got a doctors appointment tuesday, maybe he'll give me so medication that'll make my hands feel better.

i do not own tales, or Dragonwings144!))

* * *

"This is Katz village?" Sheena said frowning, looking around the incredibly cheesy village, that, in her opinion, looked like a pet store exploded and the Katz decided to live in the rumble, "People will pay money to come here?"

Yuan sneezed, "I thought you've been here, achoo, before."

"Well, I, we…"

"What?" He sneezed again. And then again.

Sheena bit her upper lip, "Well… Raine and me kind of took off and went to the beach while everyone else came here. Do you have a cold Yuan?"

Yuan was having a sneeze fit or something, "I'm, achoo."

"Right… Well come on, let's get going! We need to find that post office!" She walked into the village.

"So Yuan how?" She turned to see that her blue haired friend was not beside her, but instead still sneezing at the gates, "Yuan? Aren't you coming?" She screamed at him, plainly mad.

Yuan waved her on, "I can't, achoo, I'm, achoo, allergic to Katz. Achoo. I'll, achoo, wait here."

"You're ALLERGIC to Katz? Did you not think of this, I don't know, when we decided to come here?"

"I have, achoo, medication at the base. Didn't, achoo, think of it before I, achoo, left."

"Men." She rolled her eyes and walked up to the nearest Katz, "Excuse me? Do you know where I could find the post office?"

The Katz, which was pink, jumped up and down, "Yes! Yes I do!"

"Umm… Where?"

"Cheeseburger!" The Katz ran away, leaving Sheena very confused. Then it ran back with a horribly drawn map of the village, which it placed in her hands.

"Oh. Thank you so much. You're the nicest Katz I've ever meet."

"500 Gald."

"What?"

"500 Gald for the map. No money, no map."

"What?" Sheena screamed, throwing the map back, "I'm not paying 500 Gald for a map that looks like it was drawn by Lloyd."

She took off in the direction of the nearest building, deciding she'd try all of them until she found the right on, when she heard a ping at her side.

"Ahh! Those creepy teddy bears are coming to get me!" She screamed, then looked down to realize she was wearing Yuan's watch, "Score, magi-mail!"

"_Dear Sheena, _

_I saw you and Yuan out on Palmacoasta! What were you thinking? Does Raine know? _ _For shame, girl! Flirting with a gay man, and a married one at that. For shame. _ _Anyway, I'm calling to let you know that Kuchinawa seems to have my address mixed up for yours. Every other day he comes to challenge me to the death. Do you know how much it costs to fix my roof every day because he keeps throwing daggers at it? I want you to get this bozo out of my life, ASAP _

_Dragonwings144_"

"Damn it. Stupid Kuchinawa," She muttered, making a mental note to send him a note with a different fake address and to send Dragonwings144 a fruit basket and some roof repairmen.

The watch pinged again.

"More mail? What am I? A mail whore?"

"_Hey guys, _

_I was just writing because you're taking a very long time to get anywhere in your little adventure quest thingy. Maybe you should have taken Rhieards… Oh well. _

_You guys haven't even had to fight off any bad guys and you have no clue who kidnapped Kratos and Raine, let alone where this guy/chick lives! What kind of hero's are you? That's right, boring ones. You shall now get into a fight to further the plot. I demand it! _

_Your master, _

_Brandy Mallory._"

Just as she finished reading the letter a guy came running out of the nearest building. She could tell he was a bad guy. One, because he worn a totally black outfit and seemed to be robbing a bank, and two, the back of his shirt said: "How's my bad guying? Call 1-866-5555-3845." That and a woman had run out of the building after him screaming, "STOP! BAD GUY!" at the top of her lungs.

"I'll save the day!" Sheena said quickly, striking a traditional good guy poise, "What is evil? What is Justice? Sheena does not know." An explosion of fireworks came from behind her, "Sheena Super Girl to the rescue!"

She dawned a ridiculously large cape she'd found in Yuan's suitcase and raced after the said bad guy, "Stop in the name pizza bagels!"

"Pizza bagels? Where?" the bad guy said, stopping and looking around for a pizza bagel store excitedly.

Sheena jumped on him, pinning him to the ground, "Whom do you work for?" She yelled, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him.

"No please!" He cried, "I just ate. Please don't shake me!"

"Then tell me who you work for!"

"Why do you even care?"

Sheena slapped him.

"Ok, ok. I work for the author. She wants you to go to Sybakk and search up known locations of underground lairs, since your current lead is really stupid," He sobbed, "Can I go now?"

She let the guy run away, and headed back to Yuan to tell him about the new information she'd found.

* * *

Raine woke up and yawned, "Morning Krat-." She stared dumbfounded at Kratos.

The auburn threw his arms up around his head, "Don't look! I'm hideous."

She moved closer to look at his normally straight hair, which was, at the moment an explosion of curls that would make Anne jealous, "Kratos, how the hell?"

Kratos wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back and forth, "My hair is naturally curly, and I have to gel it straight. But it's been two days with out my straightening iron or anything that resembles gel."

"Curly?"

"Yup."

"Seriously?"

"Uh huh."

Raine sat down beside him and hugged him, "Oh you poor dear. Does Yuan know about the curliness?"

He shook his head, "No. Know one does. Or at least, no one's lived to tell about it."

"Well. I'm sure Yuan and Sheena are trying to find us right now. Who knows? Maybe they'll show up after I finish talking and your hair will be straight again in no time."

Kratos sobbed harder. Raine smacked him.

* * *

((Kratos and Yuan get smacked a lot. anyway, will yuan and sheena make it to sybakk? will kratos find his gel? find out next time! please review!)) 


	7. run for your life

((A/N: hello everyone. Welcome to another chapter! Next week I'm away, so yeah. I won't update. Anyway time to introduce my new fanfic helper person: Rom, the voice inside my head!

Rom: right…. How was I tricked into helping you?

Me: shut up and say the disclaimer.

Rom: Brandy Mallory does not own Tos. Brandy Mallory also stole the lyrics from Run For Your Life by Esthero; Brandy Mallory does not own that song or Esthero. Sorry if you're reading Esthero…

Me: good enough, I'm still taking guest emails, ON WITH THE FIC!))

* * *

Sheena and Yuan, who had somehow made it to Sybakk, thanks to Yuan flying all the way back to his base and getting them Rheiards, walked towards the library.

"How can they kick us out of the university?" Yuan pouted, "I paid for half that building! I was the main sponsor! And the kick me out like I'm some sort of diseased cheese puff!"

Sheena sighed, "Yuan, you did tackle that guy with the spiky hair because you thought he was Kratos and refused to pay your thirty year old cafeteria tab. That combined with the fact you spit your coffee all over the headmasters robes, and laughed at the teachers wig, heck you're lucky they didn't murder you on the spot!"

"That is no reason for them to- Oh my Goddess! A banana hammock!" Yuan ran to the outside junk store, picking up a wooden thing that people often use to hang bananas on, "I've been looking for one forever!"

"Banana hammock? Why the fuck would you need one of those?"

Yuan smiled, handing the storeowner some money, "Kratos really likes his bananas. So I wanted to get him one so they don't just sit on the counter. This way the bananas have their own special place to live."

Sheena sighed walking into the library. Suddenly a very hyper looking fangirl ran overtop of her and handed Yuan his photo and a pen.

"Umm, hi Yuan, can you sign this for me, Please?" she begged.

"Sure, no problem," Yuan said, taking the photo.

"Thanks! Um, make it out to Esthero."

"Ok." Yuan wondered how the hell names a kid Esthero.

"Oh My God! I can't believe I'm actually talking to you! Wow!" She giggled nervously.

"Do you like the Renegades?"

"I love the Renegades! Actually, I know everything about you. I-I know where you live, and um your phone number. And I like to watch you at night."

"What?"

"Actually, um," the music started and she began singing, "I like to drive by, where you live. And I neva stop, though because your husband is always home. And I know if he were to look into my eyes, he'd see that we are in love, yes we are in love. I'm so glad that we're together now!" She wrapped her arms around him.

Yuan looked around the library, "Could someone call security?"

She giggled again, "Did you get that package I sent you?"

Our blue haired half elf quickly pulled himself away from her, running outside to the nearest inn and hiding under a bed. Poor Yuan, forced to hide under a bed, the shame.

Sheena on the other hand, rolled her eyes and started pulling random books off the shelf.

"Umm, Miss?" A random librarian asked, looking quite worried about the amount of books quickly beginning to clutter the floor, "Can I help you find something?"

Sheena spun around, "Yes. I need a book on all the current underground lairs! And one on Carpel Tunnel Syndrome."

"Umm," The librarian pulled two books off the shelves, "May I ask why?"

Sheena grabbed the books, "My soon-to-be wife and my best friend's husband are kidnapped and locked in the highest tower of a secret hard to get to underground lair, and so me and him are trying to free them. But so far the plot has been pretty slow so the author told us to come her. And she also told me to get her a book on Carpel Tunnel because the doctor thinks she has it and she'd like to know what exactly it means for her writing future. Cause it may mean she'll have to give up typing for the rest of the summer. Which would REALLY slow down the plot even more." She explained, as if it all totally made sense.

"Right… Do you have a library card?"

"No."

"Then you can't take the books out." Bad move miss librarian.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T TAKE THEM OUT?"

Luckily, or maybe not luckily, Zelos walked in, "Sheena! There you are!" He looked to the librarian, who seemed to be ogling the redhead, "Just put her books under my card, ok doll?"

The librarian nodded and hurried away.

"Zelos, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be stalling my wedding!" The ninja asked angrily.

"Well…."

Flashback

Lloyd and Zelos are fending off random wedding guests, who are all wanting to know why the hell they've been here for three days and still haven't seen anyone get married. Lloyd grabs randomly placed rubber hammer and hits man with it. Man stops complaining, due to the fact he is lying unconscious on the floor. Zelos and Lloyd get wonderful idea.

Soon all guests are "sleeping" on the floor.

End flashback

"You knocked out all my guests?"

"No," Zelos smiled, "I temporarily stopped all conscious movement."

Sheena sobbed and her and Zelos went to find Yuan.

Yuan, who was still hiding under the bed, heard a pinging at his side, "Well," he opened up his magi-mail, "I was wondering when the hell in the chap- I mean today, I'd get mail."

"_Dear Yuan Aurion, _

_I was wondering if you'd be interested in a free trail subscribt-_"

Yuan hit delete.

"_Dear Yuan,_

_I just woke up after being hit on the head by your stupid stepson. That kid is so dumb…_

_Anyway, this rheiard you sold me is a complete piece of crap. It barely goes over fifty and the clutch sticks. And the paint is peeling. Can you please tell me why it used to be banana yellow? _

_Anyway, do I take it to your mechanics'? Or can you fix it? I need it to go to my weekly Awful Mayor Anonymous session._

_Yours truly,_

_The mayor of Isealia._"

Yuan frowned and hit reply.

"_Dear Mr. Mayor dude,_

_Screw you. I have real problems to deal with. Like my missing husband and a creepy stalker._

_Yours truly,_

_Yuan._"

* * *

Kratos yawned, "I'm bored."

"Me too." Raine replied.

Kratos pulled out a bottle of wine, "Want to play I've Never?"

"Where the hell did you get wine?"

"Not sure, I woke up and it was in my pocket."

"Oh, so how do you play?"

"I say something I've never done, and if you've done it you take a drink. If you haven't you don't. Then you do the same."

"Ok… I'll start. I've never…" Raine paused to think, "Worked for a blonde."

Kratos took a drink, "Ok, my turn. I've never kissed a ruin."

Raine took a drink, "I've never licked a washtub."

Kratos takes a drink.

"Seriously?"

"Yup. I've never… dressed up as a French maid and bungee jumped into a pile of whipped cream!"

Raine took another swig, "I've never gotten to drunk I thought a plant was my lover."

Kratos took a drink.

"Really?"

"Yupperz."

Kratos flashback

"Wow! Yuan! This guy looks just like you!"

"Kratos, I am Yuan."

"No you're not. That's Yuan!"

"Kratos, that's a potted plant."

"No it's not!"

End of flashback.

"Wow. I don't think I can top that."

Kratos smiles, "I've never burnt off my eyebrows because I drank to much vodka then got my girlfriend to summon Efferet so he could light a candle that I'd played on top of my nose."

"Or maybe I can," Raine took another swing.

* * *

((Thanks for reading. Please review

Rom: whatever….))


	8. first meetings

((A/N: hey everyone! I'm back from my week away! But I'll be very busy for the next while, so updates will be scarce. I also change the story name so it's "Love" not "Luv" since so many people commented on it. Anyway. Rom?

Rom: Brandy Mallory does not own ToS, or Blues Clues.

Me: And?

Rom: Warning, this chapter contains cross-dressing.

Me: And?

Rom: Brandy Mallory would like to point out that the whole Kratos licking a washtub bit came from Idiot Seraphim 2. Brandy Mallory does not own Idiot Seraphim 2 or Meowzy for that matter.

Me: This chapter a bit dull, but anyway. On with the fic!))

* * *

So Zelos, Sheena and Yuan (who they had found sobbing under a bed) made there way to the nearest underground lair. And because they were very bored…

"Hey Yuan? How did you and Kratos first meet?" Zelos asked as they walked.

_Yuan has flash back._

4000 or so years ago…

Yuan sits in a hair salon at his table, seeing as he was working there as the head manicurist. Kratos suddenly runs into shop with a bag over his head.

"I need to see Nancy!" He said urgently to the lady at the front desk, "It's an emergency. Tell her it's Kratos!"

The desk lady hurried quickly to the back then rushed back, "She'll be with you in a minute. Why don't you come over here and Yuan will do your nails while you wait? Ok?" She said in a calm soothing voice, seeing as the purple dressed man seemed hysterical.

Kratos nodded and let himself be dragged over to Yuan's table, making sure his paper bag still covered his hair.

Yuan smiled, wondering how bad his hair actually was, "It's ok sugar, whatever's wrong Nancy can fix it."

Kratos nodded, giving no hints, "Thanks. So you do nails?"

The aqua haired half elf smiled, "I'm the best. Do you want a clear coat?"

"That would be great," Kratos replied smiling, "I'm Kratos."

"Yuan."

_End of Yuan's flashback._

Of course Yuan hadn't shared this flashback with the others so he just answered, "Oh. You know, around. How did you and Lloyd meet?"

_Zelos has flashback_

A year or so ago…

Zelos was just walking around when he noticed the hottest boy he had ever seen. He wore red and was utterly dreamy. Because of this utterly dreaminess Zelos walked straight into Colette.

"Heyyyyyyy watch it!" Said annoying fangirl one, but Zelos was not paying attention because he was trying to convince himself he was not gay.

_End of Zelos flash back_

Zelos also decided not to share the flash back, "Oh, you know, around. Sheena?"

_Sheena flash back._

"Is the Chosen of Mana among you?"

"Well duh."

"Prepare to die." Sheena then saw Raine, and Raine saw Sheena, and they both looked into each other's eyes and it was love at first sight. Unfortunately Colette chose this moment to make Sheena fall into a hole.

_End of Flashback._

"Oh you know, around."

There was a pinging noise at Yuan's wrist.

"Yay! Mail time!" Yuan started into a cheesy Blues Clues dance number, "Here's the mail. It never fails. It makes me want to wag my tail. When it comes I want to wail. MMMMMAAAAAAIIIIIILLLLLL!"

Zelos blinked, "Right…"

"_Dear Yuan,  
_

_You actually have quite a lot of stalkers like that one girl. How do I know? Because... I AM ONE OF THEM! Give me something for my birthday cause it's tomorrow... I mean, I know YOUR birthday and send you all kinds of things (like the fondue set!) so why can't you do the same?  
_

_Your loverly stalker, D-Wings._"

Sheena laughed, "Poor Yuan. Hey wait!" She turned on him, "You have a fondue set and you never told me about it! What kind of friend are you?"

Yuan hid behind Zelos, "I never use it! Not after we found out it was cursed so that if Kratos used it he'd turn orange!"

The red head picked up Yuan's watch and read the second magi-mail.

"_Dear Sheena,_

_In three weeks you'll be dead. Don't ask how, you just will be...That's what you get for stealing the love of my life from me! And once your dead I can comfort her and maybe even get her to love me the way I love her! _

PS: Tell Yuan that I'm STILL waiting for the 10,000 Gald he owes me.

Signed Your Murderer,  
The Tigress"

Sheena turned on Yuan again, "Why do you owe this insane person money? And why does this insane person want my Raine?"

Yuan shifted nervously, "Lets just say I needed a certain crazed fangirl to stop following my husband around, so I go her taken care of. Next magi-mail!"

Zelos read on.

"_Hey guys,_

_It's me, Colette! Just writing to say that Lloyd left this morning to join you guys. He said he was bringing pickles. Pickles are good. _

_Also, I heard you guys are looking for Raine and Kratos. So I suggest you use the tracking device that Mithos implanted in Kratos. I read about it when I was cleaning Mithos' office out last week. I gave Lloyd the tracker. _

_Also can you guys hurry up? Sitting at this base is getting really boring; I've already cleaned all the broom closets. Yuan… You and Kratos really need a better place to hid your "stash". If you know what I mean. Closet lemons are fun and all, but do you really need so many?_

_Yours truly,_

_Colette._"

"Closet lemons? Stash?" Sheena looked confused, and if you, like her, are confused I'm sorry. Ask a grown up.

"Does anyone realize Colette just had a good idea?" The half elf asked, changing the subject.

Zelos threw his hands in the air, "Holy shit! Soon hell will freeze over and Paris Hilton will have a top 40 song!"

A girl with long black hair, a mini skirt and sunglasses appeared from nowhere, "Paris Hilton does have a top 40 song. Its called Stars are Blind, and the author is quite fond of it."

"And just who the hell are you?" Wow, I wonder who said that.

The black hair girl smiled, "I'm Rom. I read the disclaimer. Now-"

Sheena cut her off, "So you work for this "author" person as well?"

"Well, she doesn't pay me… But yeah, I do." Rom tapped her foot impatiently, "As I was-"

Zelos piped in, "Does the author realize that she's writing a cheesy Idiot Seraphim 2 knock off?"

"What! This fic is totally different!"

Sheena nodded, agreeing with Zelos, "Hello? Person gets kidnapped right before the wedding? Lover and friends go off to find said person, finding many dead ends and random dialog? And that washtub bit last chapter?"

"Fine, it's a little the same. A little. But that's because the author is a big fan of Meowzy's work, and the fic was partly inspired by Idiot Seraphim! Plus Idiot was about Lloyd and Zelos and Mithos was still alive! They are totally different! And the washtub bit was credited to Meowzy when I was reading the disclaimer today!" Rom looked annoyed, "And now you're making it even cheesier by making me explain stuff and thus making my OC self appear in this story longer than I should have!"

"Oh."

"As I was saying, you are going in the wrong direction. You are supposed to go north. You are going north-west." And with that she disappeared in a puff of black smoke.

The black haired ninja shook her head, "Will this quest ever make sense?"

Lloyd walked in through the woods, "Probably not. I found where dad is."

Zelos ran up and hugged the brunette, "Really? Where?"

Lloyd pointed north to what looked like a cellar door, "That's the entrance."

Sheena walked up to it, "The doors say "No boys allowed" Are you sure we can all get in?"

Yuan thought for a second, "Well, Sheena is a girl. And me and Zelos look like girls, if we had dresses I think we could pull it off."

Zelos randomly pulled three dresses out of his pocket, "What about Lloyd?"

Yuan untied his hair and pulled on a blue sundress, "Well, if his hair wasn't so gelled."

Zelos, who had put on a bright pink mini skirt and matching top, "I have Gel-Be-Gone!" He handed it to Lloyd, "Just spray it in!"

"Um…" Lloyd looked around nervously, "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"Just spray your damn hair!"

"Ok, don't say I didn't warn you." He sprayed the gel be gone into his hair and…

* * *

"I've never been orange."

Kratos finished off the last of the wine, "I wish someone would hurry up and rescue us. Or that someone who come do the evil bad guy monolog."

There was a sudden movement at the door of their cell, "Hey dudes? Wha'cha doing locked up in there for?"

* * *

((And yes that's two cliffhangers in one chapter. Could I be crueler?

Rom: You still haven't paid me!

Me: I DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY!

What will happen once Lloyd's hair is de-gelled? Who has come to save Kratos and Raine? Will hell actually freeze over? Find out next time!

Oh and here are your reading presents: -hands out Blues Clues plushies- Review!))


	9. three gay guys and a ninja

((A/N: -is randomly hugging a Lotus Vine- sorry, I'm randomly in love with my plants this week. Anyway, I've been lazy, but here's a new chapter. It's SUPER SHORT, even for me, and I'm really sorry. But today we learn all about where sitcom ideas come from.

Rom: "Brandy Mallory-"

No! Leave it till the end or you'll spoil the surprise!

Rom, throwing script in trashcan and walking out for a coffee break: "Whatever."

Enjoy!))

* * *

"Whoa!" Zelos said, looking at Lloyd's now de-gelled hair, "It's so curly!"

Lloyd, whose hair was curly, but not Kratos' afro curly, more of a cute ringlet curl that bounced as he moved, sobbed, "I know, it's been this way since I was five. That's why I gel it so much."

Zelos hugged him and patted his back, "It's ok. In reality this explains, umm, other things."

Sheena shuttered, "Eww. Lets go guys. I mean girls. Yuan?"

Yuan was hiding under a random bush, "Yeah?"

"What the hell are you doing under that bush?"

Yuan pointed at Lloyd, "Curly!"

"So?"

"I'm scared of curly things!" He yelled back.

Zelos looked up from where he was "comforting" Lloyd, "What? How can you be scared of curly things? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!"

Yuan slowing pulled himself up, keeping a safe distance from Lloyd's hair, "When I was six my cousin had a pet poodle. It used to try and kill me when no one was looking."

"Oh… Kay…." Sheena turned back to the door, "Lets just get this over with."

Lloyd pulled on his dress, "Right."

Sheena reached for the handle or what ever, "Act girly."

"Sheena, we're three gay men. How much girlyer can we possibly get?" Yuan asked, still being wary of Lloyd's hair.

"I wonder what the sitcom version of this would be…" Zelos stated.

Que Spontaneous shared daydream!

Sheena walks through set door into apartment, "Guys! I'm home!" (Random laugher)

Yuan pops out of kitchen, holding a pan of fresh muffins, "Hi Sheena!"

Zelos pops out of bedroom, hair in curlers, "Yo Sheena!"

Lloyd pops out of bedroom behind Zelos, hair… messy. -Cough sex hair cough-, "Hey Sheena!"

Random assassins appear from the roof. Sheena kicks ass while the others act all scared.

"Well, has anyone seen my lip gloss?" She asks after kicking the last one out the door.

All three guys, "That's our Sheena!" (Fake audience laughter)

Announcer, "That's Three Gay Guys and a Ninja! Coming this fall on Fox!"

Spontaneous shared daydream ends.

"That was demented," Yuan said, suddenly wanting muffins.

Lloyd shrugged, "Better than that soap opera I watched last week."

Flash to cheesy soap set where two bottles of dish soap are talking.

"I love you Sunlight! I've always loved you!"

"But I can't Dawn! I love Dove!"

A bar of Zest walks in, holding a gun, "Shut up you two! I was trying to sleep!"

Back to reality.

"Can we just get going? We're wasting precious time that me and Kratos could use getting reacquainted, if you know what I mean." Yuan said, trying to open the door.

Lloyd, knowing what he meant, shuttered.

Yuan, after reading the sign that said pull, got the door open and they all walked down into the darkness.

* * *

"Holy crap!" Raine shouted excitedly, "It's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!"

Three very large turtles with bandanas and randomly weaponry where standing outside their cell.

"Yeah, we came here to find some random bad guy, but we got lost." The one in the purple said, "My map got used for a napkin last time we stopped to eat."

They all looked at Raphael, who quickly changed the subject, "You guys want some help out of that cell?"

"Well duh!" Raine reached through the bars and slapped him.

So soon the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (author breaks out into the theme song) got Raine and Kratos out of the cell.

"Hey!" Raine looked at the guys, "Weren't there four of you guys?"

Michaelangelo snorted, "Leonardo went on to try other opportunities. Something about wanting to be a singing loin and a mercenary who wears purple. I always knew that guy was gay."

"Can we get going?" Kratos, who had been silent so far, (and very glad he had decided to wear his Cruxis outfit that day) said in a very deep voice.

"Hey? Have we met before?" Asked the turtle in purple.

"Yeah, you sound like someone I'd share a pizza with." Said the one in orange.

"Or use as a authority figure." Said the one in red.

Kratos shifted nervously, "Um, no. I've never been a- I mean, **met** a turtle in my life."

"Right…" Raine looked back and forth from the turtles to Kratos.

"I'M NOT A EX-NINJA TURTLE!" Kratos randomly screamed.

Everyone frowned and did the little dot dot dot thing above their heads.

"Can we just go?" The auburn finally asked after a long moment of awkward silence.

"Sure…" Donatello said, and they all walked into to the shadows.

* * *

((And that's all I can write of the moment. I have to leave and won't be back till Monday. Not like I would have updated by then anyway, but this way I have an excuse. Very Super Sorry for the shortness and such, I'm in pain! And I want to finish other chapters of stuff. I know I promised someone that I'd update this, the Yuan vs. Raine showdown and The Crown you gave me, all at the same time, but I don't think I can. I'M SORRY PEOPLES. I promise to have a new chapter of this up next week! O.k. Rom, you can do the disclaimer now…

Rom: "Brandy Mallory does not own ToS, Fox, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Sunlight, Dawn, Dove or Zest, so please do not sue her. She has no money."

Thank you Rom, and remember, every time you don't review Kratos has an urge to kiss Genis. ))


	10. the bookmark

((A/N: I am so sleepy. Sorry for the wait, I kept opening this document, staring at it for 5 min then closing it. I'm a horrible writer. Get me an Advil.

I do not own Namco or Square Enix. Or the ninja turtles. Or anything for that matter. In fact I barely own this laptop.))

* * *

"Hey Lloyd? You still got that tracking device Colette gave you?"

"Yeah."

"Are you using it?"

"No."

Yuan grabbed his stepson by the neck and proceeded to try to choke the living daylights out of him. This went on for several minutes before anyone had the guts to pulled Yuan off the brunette.

"Guys! This isn't the time to play choke the idiotic swordsmen! We have to save my true love!" Sheena said, pouting slightly, "Plus I want to go home and watch Advent Children, so let's get this over with."

Lloyd pulled out the tracking thinger, "According to this dad should be right," He walked forward a little, "Through this door."

He pointed at a very boring looking door.

Yuan shook his head, "This seems easy. Too easy."

Zelos shrugged, "Maybe the author's just being lazy."

"Shut up! Let's get this show on the road so I can stare dreamily into Raine's eyes and tell her I love her."

Lloyd opened the door.

"AHHH!" Screamed Yuan, followed by the similar screams that came from everyone else.

Kratos looked at Yuan, who was in a dress, "Yuan?"

Yuan looked at Kratos, who had happily curly hair, "Kratos?"

"What's with the dress?"

"What's with the hair?"

"HA!" Lloyd, who was in a dress and had curly hair, making him a major freak, pointed at his father, "So you're the reason I was cursed to gel my hair every morning!"

Kratos ignored his son, taking a step towards his husband, who promptly took a step back.

"Yuan, what's wrong?"

Yuan hid behind Sheena, who sighed, "You're husband's scared of all things curly since he was attacked by a poodle in his childhood."

"A poodle?" Kratos asked, socked.

Yuan nodded.

"I remind you of a dog?"

He nodded again.

"Ok..." Raine blinked, "That's explains why Yuan screamed, and sort of why Lloyd screamed, so why did everyone else?"

Sheena pointed to the large turtle shaped, umm, turtle behind her bride, "I'm afraid of turtles."

Kratos pointed at Zelos, "I saw my son's boyfriend in a dress."

Zelos shrugged, "It seemed like the popular thing to do."

And many minutes later, after they had all said their hellos, kissed, and exchanged stories over a pizza that one of the turtles had found under a rock they set off to find out who had kidnapped Kraine. And by Kraine I mean Kratos and Raine as two people, not as in the paring. I just wanted to shorten down what I had to write out, which I guess really didn't work now did it?

Now, setting off to find the kidnapper seems quite stupid to me. I mean, they can't be that far from the exit why don't they just leave?

Video game characters are so stupid.

"Hello? Randomly evil bad guy who kidnapped Kraine? And by Kraine I mean Kratos and Raine as two people, not the pairing." They all walked into what appeared to be the main room in the underground lair.

Suddenly a loud beeping was heard.

"Oh my goddess!" Zelos screamed, falling to the ground, hands over his head, "The kidnapper's actually a robot!"

Yuan frowned and pointed at his watch, "That's my Magi-Mail, Zelos."

Zelos, dusting him self off and trying to act as if he hadn't just totally humiliated himself, "Yeah. I totally knew that."

"What's it say?" Kratos asked, glancing over his lover's shoulder to read it.

"Dear Yuan,

The wedding day pictures were a complete hit! Everyone in the KratosxYuan fan club adored them! But now I'm in a lot of trouble. It made them hungry for more!

So I'm begging you, once again, to return those broom closet tapes. If you don't, I might get ripped to pieces on our next meeting. Or worse, forced to read 'Kraine' fanfics! Brrr...

Help me out, or I'll take you down with me! Also, I borrowed a book from you while I was at your house. It's called 'The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide To Aselia'. I hope you don't mind.

Yours truly,  
Meowzy."

Kratos looked outraged, "You sent this insane person our wedding pictures?"

"Well, see…"

"She's been in our house?"

"I think I might have accidentally lent her an extra key…"

"She's has BROOM CLOSET videos?"

"No, I have them. She wants them."

"She borrowed my book? I just bought that last week! I was halfway through it! She better not of moved my bookmark," His face went from angry to frightened, "Oh shit."

"Oh shit what?"

"My bookmark."

Yuan looked confused, "What about it?"

"You know that picture we got taken in that photo booth in Altamira?"

"The one where I'm…" Yuan coughed.

"Yeah, and I have my…" Kratos also coughed. They must have really bad colds.

"I know the picture, what about it?"

"See, I had it as my bookmark."

"So this girl now has a picture of… that?"

Kratos nodded.

"Crap, that's worse than the broom closet videos by at least one hundred percent!" Yuan swore, "Why the hell do you that picture as a bookmark?"

"Umm…"

There was a sudden movement from the other side of the room.

"So you've come, like moths to the flame," Said a strange mystery voice.

Yuan put his hands on his hips, "That's my line."

The kidnapper/stealer of Yuan's very cliché line walked in from the shadows. I've always wanted to use that line. From the shadows. And is revealed to be…

* * *

((Now I have to decide who the kidnapper is. Yeah, I am a crappy writer. Last chance for guest emails. Since there's only, like, 2 chapters left at most. –Checks clock- it's only 11:31 pm, I guess I could start next chapter. Please review, I'll be so happy. )) 


	11. ironing board

((A/N: Wow, I've really slacked on all my fics… So, I'm forcing myself to write this chapter and the next one so I can mark this fic as complete! I smell popcorn. Sorry, I was up till 4am watching Elfin Lied (thats when i started this chapter, now i'm watching Charmed) Anyway, thank you all for reading, even though I have such crappy updates… Thanks for all the reviews too! They make me oh so happy.

Once again I own nothing. Namco is not owned my Brandy Mallory. Thanks to Sharon for writing a whole paragraph or two.))

* * *

"It's!" Yuan pointed at the figure.

"You!" Kratos finished for him.

"Yes, it is I," The mystery figure took a step closer.

And of course, this dramatic mood was ruined by Yuan's watch beeping, "I've got mail!"

"Dear all a' you weird peeps,

Zelos I want you to give me back my comb. It's been at your house for two weeks and your guards won't let me in saying I'm a psychotic dweeb. I AM NOT A DWEEB!

Yuan just wanna say that I LOVE YOU! Also do you think that I can have my '10 ways to freak out Kratos' book back?

Sheena...you smell funny.

Kratos...you licked a washtub. Wow.

Lloyd and Raine, beware. There is a crazed killer out to get you. O!

Your truly,

Iamme"

"But I love that comb."

"Oh shit, I think I lost that book."

"I do not smell funny."

"That was a long time ago."

"Killer?"

"I like cheese."

"Hello? Attention back on me?" Mystery person said with a frown.

Then the mystery person turned out to be… CANDICE WITH A COOKIE! She laughed evilly as she ate the cookie and rubbed in everyone's face that she had a cookie yet no one else did.

She deserved the cookie after all since she had worked that class while Brandy and Sharon were sitting in the teacher lunchroom playing with Mallory's laptop.

But when Candice had finished her cookie she found that she was still hungry… so grabbing on to the closest thing to her; Candice began to eat Brandy's hair.

"OH NO!" Zelos screamed out in a very girly fashion, "Her hair was so pretty and blonde!"

"What the hell?" Yuan said, looking down at his script, "This isn't supposed to happen!"

Yuan was right, the mystery person was not Candice with a cookie… sigh. Rewind time.

"I like cheese."

"Hello? Attention back on me?" Mystery person said with a frown.

"Why are you doing this," Lloyd paused for dramatic effect, "Wonder Chef?"

Wonder Chef smiled evilly, "Well, I do love monologues. You see, I needed to get the attention of someone, someone who I dream of every night. Wish for on every shooting star. Worship the ground she-"

"We get the point," Zelos said, cutting off the guy, "So you kidnapped Kraine; and by Kraine I mean the two as a group of people, not the pairing. I was just trying to shorten my sentences; to…?"

"To get their attention."

"And how exactly did you plan on that working?"

"Well, who better to kidnap than her teacher and the father of the guy who doesn't like her."

"Wait," Sheena said holding up her hand, "You like… Colette?"

"Someone say my name?" the perky blonde asked, coming threw the door dressed the camouflage and caring a rocket launcher, "Is it to late to save the day?"

Everyone blinked, and Wonder Chef swooned.

"Uh… Guys? Why is Wonder Chef here? And… swooning over me?"

Wonder Chef dropped onto his knees, "Colette, my love. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. Your hair is like silk in my other wise cotton filled world. You're eyes stars in my blank sky. Your bosom like the ironing board in my otherwise boring laundry room."

Zelos and Lloyd shared a glance, trying not to laugh.

"I would go to the ends of the earth for you, bring you the moon. I even kidnapped some people, see? So what I'm trying to say is, Colette," He brought out a tiny box, "Will you…"

Sheena and Yuan giggled and whispered to each other, "This is so romantic."

"Will you help me find a puppy?" He opened the box to show her the cute little doggie tag that read 'Puppy'.

"WHAT?" Everyone else in the room yelled in unison obviously outraged.

Colette on the other hand, "Oh my Goddess! Of course I will," She grabbed Wonder Chef and started kissing him passionately.

"…Huh?"

"It's ok Lloyd, we don't get it either."

Colette broke away from her kissing partner, "I love you Wonder Chef."

"Call me Orlando,"

"Your name's Orlando?"

"No, it's George. But call me Orlando, it'll sound sexier when you're in my bed screaming out my name as I-"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" cried the whole room.

He whispered the rest of his sentence in her ear and the blonde went bright read, "You can do that with a banana?"

"Baby, you can do a lot with a banana."

Yuan suddenly remembered something, "Oh yeah! Kratos, look what I got! A banana hammock!" He pulled it out of… his dress?

Kratos squealed, jumping up and down like an obsessive Final Fantasy 7 fangirl who just saw the Turks walk by in the mall, (it's happened to me) "Now the bananas have their own special place to live."

Sheena and Raine sighed.

"Hey, don't we have a wedding to get back to?" Zelos realized.

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((Next chapter's the last. So yeah… I'll um, try to write it faster this time. Thanks for reading!)) 


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